A Bend in the Lane

A declaration of my plan, just so that I actually carry it out, instead of it merely being a pretty Post It decoration on my wall. - Hit the library for 12 hours - Long overdue coffee with pal – 1.0 hour - Run in Botanical Gardens: 2.5 hrs - Hit Neil & Cantonment Rd and drop by antique shop on nearby Spottiswoode Ln– 2 hrs

There was a time when life held glorious promises. Promise of new lands to explore, of green valleys to wander in, of brooks to wade in, of peaks to scale, of people to inspire, of yarns to spin, of legends to make…. Oh the heady promise of dizzying freedom from winged flight of endless possibilities. Where have they all gone? What was a burning torch of passion, is now a mere flickering ember. A mere glimmer. A faint tinkle rather than the mad peals of bells. Have too many practical decisions snuffed the magic out of life? Has everyday monotony of a life lived ordinarily taken toll? Socrates thought that the best advice he could give his friends was to do all things according to their ability. I thought, until and when I find my answers, I have to do just that – make the best of what I have and do all things to the best of my ability, with dignity and integrity. But, it's not enough. What makes these sorry daily battles worth fighting? What is the prize? Why c...

I spoke to a friend for a long time yesterday. It is very hard to follow the wise line "Run as wild as you wish, but do not faint." I thought I had it all figured. I don't. I still fumble. I still faint.

Numb. Empty. Vacuum.

It happened during my lunch hour walk yesterday. I was ambling along the streets behind the huge field which is behind my office which is behind ...well never mind. 'Twas lovely weather. Heavenly breeze and a kindly Sun occasionally peeking through fluffy white clouds. To digress, I confess that I like to go 'house watching'. It's a habit I might have picked up as a kid growing up in Vizag, cycling along the roads in the MVP and Lawsons's Bay area, looking at houses lining the streets, sensing their aura - whether they were loved or unloved, happy or sad, imagining the stories that the houses might have witnessed. There is an art to House Watching. Not that I have mastered it. But I know a couple of things. Especially when it comes to guessing about the people in the houses. The no-brainers are whether there are kids or old folks living in the house, depending on toys strewn in the yards or well used lawn furniture. Whether the woman of the household is a homemaker ...

You may want something. But not at the expense of your self worth. Strive, but dont lose sight of your principles. Nothing in this world is worth losing your integrity for. Nothing. Let it go. If it was yours, it will come back. Let it go. And you shall be free.

Men are so tiresome. They never pay attention when you say "I need to talk". I mean just the other day, I had something of great importance to discuss with Dad. So, I sat down next to him on the couch while he was watching TV, Me : "Dad, I need your honest feedback. Are you listening? Dad [with full attention]: "Yeah what is it?" Me : "Well this thought has been troubling me for a bit, for a while actually. You know, like I am so totally in a dilemma. You could actually say its a sorta like a conundrum, but then its kinda bizarre. But whatever. I mean, I have been seriously thinking that I shouldn't do it. But then there are various reasons why I haven't totally written it off yet……[noticing that Dad's eyes were wavering back to the TV, so poking him] Dad are you listening ? Dad [guiltily]: Yeah. Something is bothering you. Me: Yeah so I was wondering if I should blah…blah…blah…yada...yada...yada. So you tell me, should I get my...

Nothing is for keeps. Not loves nor hates, not music nor words, not tears nor laughs, Listen to the whispers of your heart. Listen carefully. Tread with caution. This is life.  

Have you noticed, that perfectly innocent words like 'nice', 'tolerable' 'satisfying' have grown to have a negative connotation? I mean, so much so that, it's as good as insulting to describe a boy or a dress as 'nice'. We have to be extreme in the choice of our adjectives - It was awesome. The food was divine, the music was awful, mind blowing, fantabulous, abysmally pathetic ….. I admit that I am guilty of this sin too. We have to return to more steady adjectives and reverse this adjective extremism.

I have lived in Singapore for extended periods of time. But I have never been emotionally attached to the city state. So saying, however, I did not feel like an intruder as you do in a city you are visiting for, say, a month. But this one month during my parents' absence, I've been feeling like an outsider in this city. I have been walking along familiar paths, and yet, there is a sense of not belonging. Every day as I walk back home from the train station, I don't feel like I am going home. Now, I am not a very emotional person. I can survive and be fine without many people. I didn't need to come home for holidays during college because other unseen lands beckoned to me. I don't need to talk to my parents everyday because a world of exciting acquaintances awaits me. But, I suppose, the human parts of me are still in tact for it has dawned on me that, right now, home is where my parents are. Not my heart is.