Yesterday, a friend complained that it was very hard to catch me over the weekends and that appointments with me have to be booked in advance. And to illustrate his point, he was trying to make a plan to hangout when he is actually overseas. This made me do a double take and was a bit of a shocker, if you ask me.
I have often prided myself about my availability to friends. I am usually game for trying things or simply sitting down for a good conversation. Conversation is key. I forget things easily. But I don't forget conversations easily. Take my college years. More than the lessons, more than the laughs, more than the trips, I remember exact details of so and so conversation and the effect it had. So, for a pal to accuse me of being unavailable for a good conversation troubled me.
I went to bed thinking. True, it has been a while since I did the library jaunts with RR, or eaten a good morsel with Unpredictable. I haven't pinged XL, or met with S and a cluster of others in eons. My JC best pal hasn't been contacted since his Turkey trip. It aint that anybody is sitting around and missing me. We all have lives to live. It's just that, I haven't been doing my part with some people.
Then I tried working out why I have been self absorbed lately. Its okay to be self absorbed. We need to introspect before we are good company. But being obsessed with oneself is not okay. And I have begun to harbor an unhealthy obsession with being the moral paragon. Lately, I've been taking everything as a test of integrity or wisdom or faith or <fill-grand-sounding-ideal-here> ideals that I hold dear. Now, its beginning to grate. I mean, a little more of this, I could probably be a TV evangelist.Demanding the most of yourself is the best thing you can do to yourself. But demanding to be perfect at the expense of a little bit of fun is a bit of an overkill. So, I should probably loosen up, giddyup and have my little bit o' fun while the laughs last.
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