Why the God Google Is Not Good For Me

I love Google.
Make no mistake.
But it has ruined me in a lot of ways. One of the most discernable way is I no longer remember facts. With Google around, I don’t have to. Therefore, I have come to the days where I can no longer remember how to convert Celsius to Farenheit, I forget if I am supposed to boil the water before adding tea leaves or the milk, I don’t remember any jokes, I fail to recall if “Not Marble nor …” is Sonnet #55 or Sonnet #15.

Google also makes me stupid …
Person 1: “Hey, whats 9x8?”
Me: “Let me google.”

Google makes me uncool…
Person 2: “Here’s the joke: An American, a Russian and an Indian went to a World Telecommunications Confe- .…”
Me: “Hey, I know that one. Came across that one on Google. Ha!(superior smirk)”

Google renders me an incompetent Agony Aunt.…
Friend 1: “I cant figure out if he said “I’ll call you back” in a “I-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-ever-again”-I’ll call you back, or in a “I-am-too-busy-checking-out-pamela-anderson-on-google-to-talk-to-you”-I’ll call you back. Help me.
Me: I don’t rightly know. Perhaps if we google ….

And the worst –
Person 3: “How are you doing?”
Me: “I am feeling lucky” (You didn’t get it didja? Shame! A true Googler worth his salt would have.)

But wait, I forget. The bottom of the pile really is that my uber dull conversations have now become dismal.

They have begun to sound like this:
“You know there is dude called…whatshisname…this French sounding name, I think its Zulu-something, whatever, u know these French names....well he wrote this editorial in this Paris tabloid, I forget its name, but well, it was sorta against the imprisonment of this guy...err, some military guy like General Dreyfus or whatever, forget what exactly he was imprisoned for, but u know sorta wrongfully done so…. in like u know sometime in the 1920s or was it the 1860s..like whatever…”

Back in the days without Google, it would have sounded like this:
“Emile Zola, shocked Parisians, one morning in 1898, with his front page article “J’accuse” in the Paris newspaper L’Aurore. He accused the government of judicial discrimination against Jews in the Dreyfus Affair. This article polarized France, put his career and life under threat and paved the way for judicial equality and political liberalization.

You bet Google did me a disservice.